Needless to say there’s not much in the way of extreme sexiness going on behind my closed doors at the moment – I’m now at the inflated-water-balloon-strapped-to-front-of-the-body stage of pregnancy and am also permanently knackered. However, the nights are drawing in, winter is coming and all of our minds are (mostly) turned to hibernation and/or spending more time in the bedroom. Without this post becoming some sort of Ann Summers erotic short story, I thought I’d round up some brilliantly decadent things (and a few frivolities) for those who are seduced by the idea of turning in early…

Coco de Mer Massage Candle, £35 from Selfridges here. I haven’t managed to get my mitts on this yet, but the scent description is right up my alley: sweet figs, heady orange blossom. Yes please. I always thought that massage candles would be a bit of a faff, but I’ve tried the ones from Oskia and Janjira and they work really well – warm oil, a lovely scented room…

If you’ve just given the candle idea a quick think-over and still said “nah, melting candles, too much faff” then I can highly recommend Jo Malone’s Oud & Bergamot Body Creme. (Find it here.) It’s a hefty £60 but the cream is so decadent and rich and the sultry scent is one of my all-time favourites.

What to dress in after the sumptuous application of said body creme? The Triumph Amourette 300 Bodysuit: racy-lacy lingerie, in a non-flammable, classy sort of way. I actually have this bodysuit, and in the two week period when my post-partum figure was just getting good (before BAM! pregnant again) I wore it a couple of times to make myself feel like a femme fatale. Looks amazing peeking out from under a shirt that’s (possibly) unbuttoned one button too far. You can find it online here – it’s £65.

Which is a hell of a lot easier on the bank balance than my other sexy number: the Maison Slip from La Perla. I actually have this too, in a slightly different colour, though I have never, ever worn it. I bought it on a mad hormone-fuelled shopping trip when I was pregnant last time, thinking I’d wear it as a celebratory sort of thing when the baby was born, not realising that it would be another year before I’d stopped ruining everything with leaked milk. Oh the glamour! One day, people, one day: I’ll slip on this slip and look just like Margot Robbie in Wolf of Wall Street, which was the film that made me go into La Perla in the first place…

The slip costs an unspeakable amount of money here, if you fancy re-enacting your own Leonardo/Margot scene.

For those who would rather be piling on the cashmere than stripping off the layers, may I suggest the Pure Cashmere Pyjama set by Rosie for Marks and Spencer? I would wear this OUT of the house, never mind in bed! Look at that chunky jumper! Lush. It comes in champagne, for those who don’t eat chocolate under the duvet, or black, for those who like to look like the Milk Tray man. And look: it’s not cheap – you can find it online here – but I’ve felt the cashmere and I can imagine that wearing this pyjama set would be like wearing clouds.

And finally, for those who would like to both strip off and pile on the cashmere (bloody hell, this is getting complicated!) the softest, most amazing bedsocks from The White Company. I’ve had numerous pairs of these, all have gone the way of the dog. I should have bought shares. Or not got a dog. Anyway, they come in lovely pastel colours but my favourites are the grey because pastels can look grubby quickly, can’t they? £35 at Selfridges here.

Sorry – bargains a bit thin on the ground, this week. I was going to include the new Jilly Cooper book in this line-up but, quite frankly, I can’t get on with it. It’s ridiculous and there are too many characters for me to remember and no discernible storyline even though I’ve invested a couple of hours in the reading chair…