I know what you’re thinking right now: “BORE OFF, WOMAN. I have absolutely no interest in what goes in your armpits.” Well let me tell you; you might be thinking that now, but just wait until you’ve read my 3000-word essay on deodorants, aluminium and saving the planet! No, not really. I was just going to tell you about an observation I made yesterday which is that in my whole life, I have only ever used two deodorants. A Sure roll-on from secondary school until I was about twenty three, and since then, a Dove roll-on.

I only switched to Dove because they sell it cheap at Costco! I buy it in packs of about twelve hundred and pop it in the humungous trolley along with all of the other bulk-buys. I will tell you this in absolute seriousness: if there is ever some kind of chemical war and we all have to stay locked in our houses for a year, I will be fine and dandy. In my garage I have approximately 120 cans of Heinz baked beans, about the same number of Chickpeas and Kidney Beans, 200 cans of chopped tomatoes, four lots of 2kg Jalapeno Peppers in massive jars, three litres of ketchup, 10kg of Basmati Rice and 2kg of Cashew Nuts. In my downstairs freezer (how grown up is that?) I have 72 Discovery Tortilla Wraps, 5kg of Scallops, the same of raw tiger prawns and three bags of chopped spinach.

I went on a bit of a random there, didn’t I? Back to the deodorant. I’ve always used roll-ons because every aerosol deodorant that I’ve ever tried has left huge white stains on my clothes – not so with Sure’s Crystal. It promises ‘Incredible White Mark Protection’ and it lives up to its word – I’ve even sprayed this directly onto black fabric to test it out properly, and the ‘powder’ simply brushes straight off. I feel slightly guilty about using an aerosol because I already have my private jet, and that’s probably enough of a carbon footprint (joke) but have to admit that I do very much like the feeling of the spray. It’s quite a little wake-up in the morning!

So, Sure Crystal. Pretty good so far as deodorants go; it stops you from sweating, it smells quite neutral and fresh and it’s not expensive. I just need to see if they stock them at Costco…

Sure Crystal Clear Diamond (I have been using the Special Edition, pictured) £1.99 at Superdrug.