1) This week saw me sustain what must be the first cheese-related injury in history. No joke! I took the dog to dog-training and cut my thumb open on a piece of Manchego! You may ask what I was doing thumbing about with a piece of Manchego in dog-training, well: you have to take “highly salient” treats and I didn’t have anything particularly suitable. The trainer suggested tiny bits of cheese. Yes I KNOW they’re not supposed to have cheese, and I never give it, but it was an emergency situation. And given that this dog regularly has things in his poo that I can’t even fathom, I couldn’t really see how one piece of cheese could kill him. At any rate, cheese never made it to dog because the bloody stuff was so hard I couldn’t break it up! And then the rind shot down beneath my nail and cut my thumb and then there was blood.

Incidentally, the training went very well, thank you very much – Mr AMR did all of the proper work, I just handed slithers of chicken and stood there like a lemon, sucking my bloody thumb.

2) From one cheese to another… SMELL MY CHEESE! KISS MY FACE! AHA! Yes, I’m talking about Alan Partridge and, in particular, the fact that last Sunday I did actually kiss his face. Steve Coogan’s, if I’m being accurate, but he very kindly indulged me and slipped into “Alan” mode when I asked him to. What a sport. He probably gets asked “to be Alan” all the time, so: thank you Steve. You made my day. I have ticked one of my lifetime achievements from my to-do list! (Sad, but actually true.)

3) Those asking about my trousers on Instagram (see above photo): they are from ASOS. You can find them here – they are supremely comfy and look very sport-luxe so you can pop heels on with them or just slob about in bare feet, depending on what grabs your goat. (Is that a phrase?) The Lola Lounge Trouser is here at ASOS.com. The vest is from Wildfox and the cashmere cardigan is Pure Collection.

4) Animals: Dexter the cockapoo has already had one appearance, so here’s the cat – he’s looking at Karl Lagerfeld, trying to work out what an earth he is.

Which must be quite a regular occurrence, really. The toy version is even more bizarre than the live one – he seems to have a bra over his face. In fact, if you look at him in a certain way, he could actually be a headless, armless woman wearing white-topped high-wasited trousers and a black strapless brassiere! He came through the postbox in celebration of his new fragrance, KARL, but more on that next week. Though no more of the dolly – Dexter has eaten all of his insides and now he is just a baggy little sack of skin!

5) There’s a nice little feature on NeverUnderdressed this week – beauty bloggers and their favourite beauty tools. Can you guess what mine was? Take a look here.