Pregnancy Week 31, AKA, “sh*t gets real”. It hadn’t really hit home until this week that I am actually going to have a baby. Up until now, it has almost been an abstract concept: I’ve been so caught up with pregnancy and the different stages and wondering at all of the changes that my body has gone through, that I haven’t actually had a sit down and thought about what it will be like to hold another human being and watch it grow! I mean obviously I’ve always been aware of the end-game: you get pregnant and then a baby comes out, everyone knows that. I just hadn’t allowed myself to visualise it. Perhaps it was a little defence mechanism after all the disappointment of the whole “trying” process, I don’t know. And also, up until this week, kicks and wriggles from within the Crilly Womb had been comforting, gentle things: now baby seems to have taken it upon him-or-herself to pummel me with karate kicks from the inside! Suddenly it’s very much evident that there’s a proper human being in there, turning around and wriggling and stretching arms and legs and doing God knows what else. (Some kind of dynamic yoga?)

So yeah, this week sh*t got real. It seems as though the weeks are whizzing by and I’m totally unprepared – I haven’t bought a single baby vest or a crib or anything! I’m also feeling huge and having to do that whole “pregnancy waddle”, leaning backwards and walking as though I’ve had a particularly energetic sex session. Which I haven’t. Because that would require energy. My ribs continue to hurt unless I assume one of two positions: 1) lying down or 2) sitting up absolutely ramrod straight. I’ve been testing out dozens of bras recently, in an attempt to find one that doesn’t aggravate the whole rib/back problem, and so far the one that I keep coming back to is a little soft crop-top number by Wacoal. I doubt it offers much in the way of support, but I seriously can’t deal with the pain after wearing most of the others for more than a few hours, so if I’m at home or if I know that I’m going to be out all day, I go back to the Wacoal. (The one I wear is here online.)

Another little body development, this week: you’ve heard of restless leg syndrome, but have you heard of anyone having a restless arse? You have now! It’s the only way I can describe what happens in my buttocks when I have to sit in the same position for more than ten minutes. It’s like an achey, irritable feeling that makes me want to do squats or lunges and burn off some energy. (If I had enough balance to do some lunges then I would, but I can barely find the co-ordination to put my shoes on let alone perform athletic moves!) Anyone else experienced Restless Arse Syndrome (RAS)? Let me know. And thank you for all of your comments so far, I’m just about to do another marathon reading session now – they make me laugh, cry and everything in between.