The memory part of my brain is now completely non-existent! I had this whole diary entry planned out in my head (there was a long-ish train journey to do) and it was – quite frankly – hilarious and interesting and worthy of some kind of journalistic award. But all that’s left of the post, in the darkest corners of my mind, is something about Cadbury’s Creme Eggs having changed recipe and a vague notion that I was going to talk about pubic hair. All of it – all of the hilarity and award-winning wit – gone. The pubic hair is still very much in evidence (think Day of the Triffids, I really must do a post about it) but I can’t even imagine what I wanted to say about it. Perhaps that’s a blessing in disguise.

The bump is now quite magnificent; I have to manually hoist it over with both hands when I need to turn in bed. Obviously accompanied by huge groans and grunts – because if you can’t groan and grunt in pregnancy, when can you? Old age, I suppose, but it’s quite satisfying getting some good sound effects in early. I have a particular grunt that I use for when I have to get out of bed for a wee, but you can rarely hear it because Mr AMR likes to quip “HEAVE HO!” every time I need to roll myself upright. I also have a special groan for when I’m putting my shoes and socks on or for if I drop something on the floor and need to pick it up! What fun.

I can’t believe that tomorrow I’ll only have nine weeks left. I have been reading my Hypnobirthing books because – even though I have a totally open mind about the whole birthing thing, and will simply decide what I want and need when I’m there – all of the people I know who practised their breathing and stayed calm had very positive and uncomplicated birth experiences. It can’t be a bad thing to at least try, can it? And so much of the hypnobirthing philosophy makes perfect sense – that if you’re as relaxed as you can be (surely quite difficult when you’re trying to evacuate something the size of a melon from your nethers) then your body is more able to do its thing. If I get there screaming “GIVE ME ALL THE DRUGS!”, then so be it – I’m not the kind of person to set myself pointless physical goals in terms of pain thresholds and so on – but if I can just quietly get on with it, a la hypnobirthing stylee, then great. My sister managed it, and she is the world’s biggest panicker and hypochondriac. I’m holding her up, mentally, as my little birthing mascot!

Tell me: any readers who practised the whole breathing and visualisation thing? Was it successful for you? And even if it didn’t wholly work, or you had unexpected complications, were there at least elements of it that were useful? Share, discuss, leave your comments below!

(The dress in the photograph above is from the brilliant maternity brand Isabella Oliver. You can find it online here.It’s currently £57 instead of £95!)