Well this was twenty-four quid well spent; the Emoji Micro Pedi is the most fun I’ve had with my feet in years. (There’s some kind of rude joke in there somewhere but I haven’t the energy to eke it out.) A sort of miniature sander that you run over dry foot skin, it requires virtually no physical effort yet has the distinctly satisfying effect of kicking up clouds of dead-skin-dust. Gross, but – as I said – distinctly satisfying. When you think about how long you have to sit with a manual foot file to even make a dent in a hard, shell-like heel….well. This Micro Pedi gadget achieves smoother skin in mere seconds. If you’re constantly battling with bits of dry foot skin or hard, calloused heels then this is one gadget I can highly recommend.

I was never convinced by the “Ped Egg” or any of these cheese grater-style foot files; in fact, when I attended the Margaret Dabbs Clinic (post here) the podiatrist was quite vocal about staying well clear of them, saying that they removed skin unevenly and ineffectively. Much better to go for the good quality sandpapery files and do the filing routine little and often. Which I never do because it’s so bloody boring. Where’s the fun in sitting on the floor sawing away at your heels? It’s almost as painfully dull as using a foot scrub. (High up on my list of the most pointless body products ever invented. There are good ones, admittedly, but tell me: in which situation is it convenient to use one? Not in the shower, as you’d put your back out and/or break your neck slipping over in the tray, and not in the bath, as you’d have to do some weird yoga move and it would completely kill your relaxation vibes. No, the only way to use a foot scrub would be as part of a full pedicure routine, sat in your dressing gown on the bathroom floor with a towel beneath your feet. And, quite frankly, there are other things I’d rather be doing.)

If you’re getting the impression that I’m rather lazy when it comes to foot care then you’d be right: that’s why the Micro Pedi is one of my best Amazon purchases ever. A whizz over hard skin once or twice a week keeps my feet smooth and soft (don’t remove too much at once, you need some kind of hoof unless you only ever stroll on sandy beaches or bouncy castles) and the whole process takes approximately thirty seconds. Switch it on (you need batteries but they last for ages – I use rechargeable) and simply run the filing roller over the hard skin, being careful to keep the roller moving and not keep it one place for too long. You don’t want to set your feet on fire! There are different rollers that fit into the handle so you can give your feet an “extreme” makeover (watch the sparks fly) or stick to a regular, sensible coarseness for tackling normal “horniness”. (Again, joke here somewhere but I don’t have the energy.)

Since I bought my Micro Pedi they have introduced a “Premium Gift Set” – for a pound extra you get a pink Micro Pedi, spare extra-coarse rollers, scissors, toe separators and some other stuff that I stopped trying to identify because, to be quite honest, a pound extra even for the spare sandpaper things is a total bargain! Find that set on Amazon here.

Your own “perfect feet” tips? Any particular creams or lotions? I really want to try those treatments that peel off your whole lot of foot skin at once, they sound both gross and brilliant. And I do very much like the Diamancel files for manual foot-sanding…

PS: apologies for the dead skin in the photos. I should really have ordered a new roller for the picture, but I’m about to give birth and so thought I’d just make do with what I had. It’s not even my dead skin, it’s Mr AMR’s! Ha. Sorry to those who may never, ever tune in for another post again. Oh – and the nail polish shown is Shifting Sands by Deborah Lippmann and it’s amazing. Perfect summer nude. Applies beautifully, stays on for an age, is a brilliant “skin tone” that makes your hands look like mannequin hands. You can find it online here – £16.