You can probably tell by the fact that my posts have been a bit more sporadic that I have a hell of a lot less time at the moment. Mainly because Baby A hardly sleeps at all during the day – a nap here and there, but nothing solid – and we have absolutely no routine whatsoever. So I just have to snatch the time to write when I can – I still work a lot of hours running A Model Recommends and the various things that go with it – and often draft my Uphill posts when I’m breastfeeding and write them up properly when I get a spare second. In the photograph above it’s about 2pm and I’m still in my dressing gown trying to edit a video for a client!

So apologies: the newborn months were a walk in the park with the amount of nap time I used to take advantage of – I get the feeling that it’s going to become more and more difficult to try and juggle baby and work as the months go on! I suppose I’ll have to start thinking about perhaps getting a bit of help for a couple of afternoons a week – I need to get this expressing malarkey down to pat and then I’m not tethered by the breasts! So to speak. Now that’s an image…

Here’s my four month baby and body update.

Baby

This month we have rolling going on. Rolling brings with it a whole new level of safety-anxiety. Will they roll over and suffocate? What if they roll over in the night? (Hello Sleepyhead, you genius invention – no fear of rolling with you about! Review coming up.) Will they suddenly learn how to roll over and over and over again when you’re not looking and roll themselves straight down the stairs? I can’t even imagine the stress when babies start crawling and pulling lamps over and trying to stick their fingers in plug sockets! I’ve already started doing a full house health and safety survey! As well as rolling we have a lot of foot-in-mouth action, quite a bit of giggling (although never at me, always at the husband or at granny and grandad or pretty much anyone. Apart from me. That’s gratitude for you!) and lots of surprised looking about and gurgling at shadows and trees. Bathtime has become a lot of fun with huge splashing sessions and looks of pure wonderment. I keep wanting to press the pause button because every moment is just so amazing and I want to remember it all – when people say “the time goes by so fast” they’re not joking!

We still have no routine; the flexibility of “no routine” had actually suited me as I tried to find my feet and get settled back into the house, but now I have to say that I would appreciate knowing whether I’ll be able to have a bath in the evening or eat my dinner with two hands, like a fully-functioning grown-up person. And a little glass of (medicinal) red wine would be nice, every now and again, which I would sip whilst watching The Trip on Netflix and perhaps eating one of those mini bars of Green & Blacks chocolate. Mmm.

But on a purely soppy note, because I don’t want to sound negative at all, I’m having a bloody GREAT time; I can’t believe how intensely I adore my little person. It seems as though every day I love her a bit more and sometimes my heart actually hurts when I think about her. And my head hurts when I think of what an enormous responsibility it is to love someone that much – to want to give them the absolute best you possibly can and do things the right way for them, even when you have no clue what you’re actually doing because you’ve never done it before…

But that’s enough of that – let’s talk about sore tits and c-section scars!

Body

As you’ll know if you keep up with my posts (not hard) I had Mastitis. What a bastard of a thing to get – boob flu – when you actually have to feed through your boobs. Every few hours. Who the hell designed that particular malady? You can read all about it, if reading about boob flu takes your fancy, here.

But in general I feel as though I’m starting to “get my own body back”. Yes I have two huge watermelons on my chest and yes my waist has no actual smaller part and just goes straight up and down, but nevertheless I’ve been making an effort in the wardrobe department. I’ve been wearing jeans a lot, instead of leggings (even if they are maternity jeans with an elasticated waist!) and I’ve been trying to get out of the habit of sticking on long, loose tops with everything and generally looking like a bag lady. I find that if I wear a normal jumper or tee-shirt, it makes me hold my tummy in more tightly, which is surely good for building those muscles back up?

It’s kind of like a forced toning session. Though I don’t really feel ready to do any proper exercise yet – my boobs feel too cumbersome to jog or run and the idea of organising attendance at a group exercise class is just too daunting. I quite fancy taking up yoga (I did a few sessions pre-pregnancy and loved it) but I really need to get my expressing sorted so that I can have a few hours out on my own! The steriliser, bottles and various tubes and membranes and what have you are all on the draining board in the kitchen but I just don’t seem to be able to find a moment to get cracking. I did manage some when I had Mastitis (breastmilk diary post coming up) but I hadn’t sterilised the equipment, so it was purely for fun. And by fun, I mean “stopping my breast from exploding”.

C-section scar was doing well, and I hadn’t heard a peep out of it until last week when the pesky little part near the middle (about 5mm long) started playing up again. Just a bit sore and itchy. I mean a tiny amount of sore and itchy, but I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to my scar. I can barely look at it. Literally, actually, because there’s a gut overhanging it and I need to arrange a series of mirrors to get a good view..