I was at a casting today for a new beauty product. There were about ten or so models, including me, waiting to ‘perform’ (haha!), and whilst we were waiting, the casting director came out to give us a few tips.

‘OK. So. You’re asleep, OK? Looking beautiful, relaxed, content. Maybe just the faintest of smiles playing over your lips. The faintest.’ He looked at us all to make sure we were paying attention. We all nodded.

‘Then you need to open your eyes, OK? Not in a crazy popping-open way, but a slow, happy waking-up way. Open them slowly, keep that smile playing on your lips, and as you open them, make sure you’re looking right at the lens. OK?’

We all nodded again.

‘So you’ve got that? Beautiful sleep, faint smile, slowly open, look to camera, don’t have crazy eyes. All good?’

We all nodded and murmured our assent, but one girl who had been listening in the corner (a gorgeous honey-skinned American girl) looked incredulously at him and said,

‘You’ve gotta be kidding, right? You want me to do all that at once? I’m a model, not a f***ing rocket scientist.’

Brilliant.

Just for the record, it was quite difficult. Apparently I looked like Dracula waking from a hundred year sleep, leering at the camera as though it was my next victim.