This is me on my shoot yesterday, and this is how I wish my BaByliss Heated Roller Experiments would turn out. Note:

1. Hair evenly sectioned and then neatly pinned up in rollers.

2. None of the rollers falling out and dropping down the toilet, none of them scorching my head, none of them ripping out huge clumps of hair, which then get stuck in the ‘heating station’ (or whatever it’s called) ready to catch fire the next time I switch it on.

3. Rollers unravel smoothly and painlessly, hair falls effortlessly into gorgeous curls that are just the right size.

Unfortunately, my BaByliss rollers will never behave as well as these ones, because when it comes to hair styling, I’m virtually an imbecile. These rollers have been handled by an expert, someone with training, someone who utters phrases such as “maybe I’ll just whack some rollers in”. Whack some rollers in! Good God, putting my hair in rollers myself is a major event in my house, involving sweat, tears and a lot of swearing. How I wish that I could perfect the art of ‘rollering’ – I’ve been practising for ten years, and no luck yet. When I work it out, I’m going to video it and publish it under the title, “My thesis: The Art of Rollering (A Lifetime’s Research)”.