I’ll admit right here and right now that I’m not particularly good at doing my nails. I don’t have the time or the inclination to sit about waiting for polish to dry and so I often end up smudging my wet varnish, or carrying on with my daily tasks regardless so that I end up with a variety of debris embedded into my finished ‘look’. Rather like that 3D nail art, I suppose, except that instead of glitter and sequins and tiny cat stickers my nails sport fluff, dust and small insects.

One thing that I have got a bit of time for though, and that’s nail filing. I particularly like the way that it screams “BORED!” whenever you file your nails in front of somebody. It’s like an instant insult, and really quite useful at times to be able to whip out the old emery – especially if you’re also chewing gum at the same time! Some emery boards are pretty rubbish, though – it can feel more like you’re trying to start a fire than tidy up your manicure with all that sawing to and fro. I have started using Orly’s Black Board which is “180 grit” whatever that means! It was developed for artificial nails to reduce filing time and it certainly makes short work of getting my own nails down to a nice length. (Mine aren’t artificial, but I like to keep things interesting in life). The Black Board is fast and abrasive, just how I like my [insert your joke word of choice] and makes you feel like you’re a proper manicurist. Make sure you get rid of all the dust that collects up around the nail before you do any painting!

The Orly Black Board is available from just £0.58 online (today’s price) from “Cool Blades”.